"From Brokenness to Breakthrough"- Intimately and transparently sharing my faith journey (the ups, downs, and all the in - between's) in hopes of encouraging and inspiring someone else to keep pressing through to their breakthrough!
Beauty For Ashes
I accepted #Christ as my #Lord and Savior and was baptized in my younger years. I grew up Southern Baptist, thinking that if you sin and do not remember to repent, even though you're saved, you'll go to Hell. As a teen, my journey was pretty easy. I listened to my christian music, I went to church, I was even Youth Chairperson at one point. I prayed over my food, and I prayed before going to sleep. All the things you should do to go to heaven. So I thought.
My ignorance, and lack of a "real" relationship with #God, left me spiritually weak. Meaning my emotions and my flesh had free reign and ruled my life for a long time. My emotions were so unmanageable, I was having frequent seizures that lasted for 10 years. Not saying that my emotions are what caused them, but I do know that anytime I started to worry, (I was a BIG worrier) I would have a seizure.
My feelings were weighing so heavy on me. Feelings of being unwanted and worthlessness due to an absent father and sexual abuse in early childhood. I had conflicting feelings of anger and fear. These feelings followed me into adulthood causing me to make unhealthy decisions. I started doing drugs and when I would drink, I usually drank until I passed out. I attempted suicide once as a young adult, and even cut myself occasionally.
“ To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.” - Isaiah 61:3 KJV
I was in and out of toxic relationships, and had three children out of wedlock. I love them so much! They are my greatest blessing, but I also carried around the feeling of shame, and the yearning of that marriage that the enemy had told me that I missed out on, because it's too late. I even got pregnant again, but had a miscarriage which brought on even more pain, shame, and now depression.
After my miscarriage I started back going to church. I went to a new and more modern church. I loved it. I felt so much love in that one service. At this point I decided I could choose to carry these burdens, emotions and feelings around that I was not created to carry, or I could choose joy, and peace and give them back to God.
The #Bible says in Isaiah 61:3 , "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them #BeautyForAshes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified." I had drowned in my ashes long enough! I chose to be crowned with beauty and dignity! I no longer mourned but shouted with joy! I no longer carried the spirit of heaviness but the Holy Spirit and still I praise him at all times!!!!
This post is long but is only a sample of my story. God has really shown out in my life! (and if he never blesses me again, HE HAS DONE FAR MORE THAN I DESERVE! GRACE!) My prayer is that this encourages someone who feels that they are at the end of their rope. To let them know that GOD LOVES YOU and you do not have to be so strong. Acknowledging our weakness is our strength because in our weakness HE is our strength! He is our healer, our strong tower and the same power that rose #Jesus from the grave is in you and me, we just have to activate it! We have to cast all our anxieties on him! FORGIVE YOURSELF! LOVE YOURSELF! Stop beating yourself up for your past and look to the future that God has for you!
I pray that this blog blesses someone's soul. Please comment and subscribe to the blog for more posts on the many topics of my testimonies! I cant wait to share more with you all! Have a blessed week!
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